When You Can’t Relax: The Connection Between Trauma and an Overactive Nervous System
Have you ever noticed that you can’t just relax — even when everything is fine?
Maybe you finally get a quiet evening, and instead of feeling peaceful, your mind starts racing.
Or you’re on vacation and your body is still tense, scanning for what might go wrong.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not “bad at relaxing.”
Your nervous system might just be stuck in survival mode — and that’s often connected to trauma.
Your Nervous System’s Job: Keep You Safe
Your nervous system is constantly asking one question:
➡️ Am I safe right now?
When it senses danger — real or perceived — it flips into one of three states:
Fight (get control)
Flight (get away)
Freeze or fawn (shut down or please to stay safe)
This is your body’s built-in protection system.
The problem is, once your nervous system has been activated repeatedly by stress or trauma, it can start to interpret everyday situations as threats.
That’s why someone honking behind you or a friend’s tone of voice can send your body into overdrive.
Your brain isn’t overreacting — it’s overprotecting.
How Trauma Keeps the Nervous System “On”
If you’ve experienced trauma (even emotional or relational trauma), your body learns to expect danger — even when none exists.
Your heart races when your phone rings.
You can’t sit still because your brain whispers, “If I relax, something bad will happen.”
You might overanalyze texts or conversations, trying to stay one step ahead of disappointment or rejection.
This constant vigilance is exhausting.
It’s not that you don’t want to rest — it’s that your nervous system doesn’t believe rest is safe yet.
The Signs of an Overactive Nervous System
Here’s how it can show up day to day:
Feeling “on edge” or jumpy
Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
Digestive issues or frequent headaches
Feeling emotionally numb or detached
Overthinking or perfectionism
Difficulty sitting still, even when tired
It can feel like your mind and body are in a tug-of-war — one part wants calm, while the other is ready to bolt.
How Therapy Helps Rebalance the Nervous System
The good news: your nervous system can relearn safety.
At Benevolent Therapy, we use trauma-informed approaches like Somatic Therapy, Brainspotting, and EMDR to help your body release that constant state of “on alert.”
Here’s how these approaches help:
Somatic Therapy teaches you to recognize the body’s cues (like tension, shallow breathing, or numbness) and respond with compassion instead of fear.
Brainspotting helps your brain locate and reprocess the moments that taught your body to stay stuck in survival mode.
EMDR allows the brain to refile painful memories so they no longer feel like active threats.
Over time, your body learns that it’s safe to exhale.
Literally.
What Relaxation Feels Like (When It’s Real)
True relaxation isn’t just a bubble bath or a vacation — it’s a body state.
It’s when your shoulders drop, your jaw softens, your breath deepens, and your mind isn’t bracing for the next thing.
It’s when your system finally says, “Oh… I don’t have to be on guard anymore.”
That feeling isn’t something you have to force — it’s something you can retrain your body to access with the right support.
You’re Not “Too Sensitive.” You’re Overloaded.
If you’ve been told to “just calm down” or “stop worrying so much,” it’s no wonder your body doesn’t trust relaxation.
You’ve probably learned that staying alert keeps you safe — emotionally, physically, or both.
But it’s not your fault your system adapted this way.
In fact, that hypervigilance kept you alive.
Now, your work is to teach your body that the danger has passed — and that it’s safe to rest again.
Healing Starts with Awareness
You don’t have to “fix” your nervous system — you just have to start listening to it.
Notice what triggers that tightness or racing heart.
Give yourself permission to rest in small moments, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
And most importantly: don’t try to do it alone.
Therapy can help you regulate, reconnect, and rebuild a sense of internal safety that doesn’t depend on everything being perfect around you.
If You’re Ready to Feel Safe in Stillness
At Benevolent Therapy, we help clients across Ohio learn how to regulate their nervous systems, reconnect with their bodies, and finally experience what calm actually feels like.
💛 Reach out today at www.benevolenttherapy.com or email
office@benevolenttherapy.com to schedule a session.
You deserve rest that your body actually believes in.
